The California Supreme Court decision overturning state law banning gay marriage may have a profound impact on the state’s and nation’s November elections. Anti-gay rights activists have already submitted signatures for a ballot initiative to amend the state constitution to ban gay marriage. The Cal...

Ward Connerly’s efforts to place anti-affirmative action initiatives of the November ballots in five states have hit roadblocks. The measures would ban affirmative action for women and people of color in public education, public employment, and public contracting. They have had disastrous impact in ...

Anti-abortion extremists are targeting states with ballot initiatives for November. A South Dakota initiative banning abortion garnered enough signatures to be placed on the state’s November ballot. The measur...

When I was 14, I was never having children. Not one. And I wasn’t
going to get married either. I was going to be a politician. I was
going to be the President. In my head, being a mother and being the
President were mutually exclusive. Not being a woman and being the
President. At 14, being a woman was a mere bump in the road to my
future fame.

Because my maiden name is Kennedy, I spent a great deal of time in
my teen years reading about those other Kennedy’s. The famous ones. My
hero quickly became Robert F. Kennedy (he still is), but after reading
a number of books, I found a book by Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy (JFK and
RFK’s mother). She had nine children. And while she had lots of maids
and nannies to help, she was a very hands-on mother.

 

I found myself fascinated by this kind of parenting…and the large
family. While I still denied it to the world at large, I knew,
somewhere in my heart that this is what I wanted to.

By age 20 the urge to have children was almost impossible to deny.
While I still considered myself a feminist with a political agenda, I
happily had my first child and just assumed that I would “put him in
daycare” while I finished school. Then I held him for the first time.
And I looked in his confused newborn eyes. And I smelled him. And I
realized that there wasn’t any way that anyone else was going to get to
hold him - much less raise him! The bond was so strong already in those
first few minutes that I couldn’t imagine ever giving him over to
anyone else.

So I didn’t. I stayed home and had two more children fairly quickly. Then I had a number four. And thought I was “done.”

But I wasn’t. After several years as a “working” mom - as opposed to
a lazy, stay-at-home one, I guess - I decided that my place really was
at home and I became pregnant with numbers 5 and 6.

Even though I was where I wanted to be and I had become reasonably
successful in my writing career, I still felt conflicted. I couldn’t
rectify my image of feminism with my image of motherhood. Further, I
felt conflicted by my roles in the world - and how I wa viewed in the
eyes of others. While I wish I could say that how others viewed me
didn’t matter much - I would be lying. I felt - still feel - acutely
the judgment of others when I tell them that I stay home with my
children.

What a strange justification to have to make! Until about 30 years
ago, staying home with one’s own children was a no-brainer. Most moms
stayed at home with their children. Who better to raise a child than
the child’s mother? No one even considered any different. And then came
feminism and bra burnings and whatever else. And women were suddenly
not only encouraged to break the glass ceiling but to leave their
children behind in order to do it.

Let me be clear. I am not condemning women in the workplace at all.
But when did it become the norm to leave the children behind and go to
“work”? When did mothering itself become such a disdained position?

I hear little jokes all of the time about mothers who stood up to
someone who said, “oh, you’re just a mom…” and replied that they were
domestic engineers or whatever. Why? Why can’t “mother” be an adequate
- if not revered - job description? Why do I, when asked, what I do
“for a living” reply that I am a writer? Why does that make me feel
more justified in staying home with my children?

Why is it more accepted now for mothers to go to work and leave the
care-giving to someone we pay a wage (not a very good one…) to?

Why is it unacceptable for little Janey to say that she wants to be
a mom when she grows up? Why can’t that be a reasonable ambition? Why
does she have to say that she wants to be a doctor or lawyer or
astronaut in order to be deemed worthy in school these days?

Those who know me, know that I have a thing for classified ads. I
love to ponder jobs and career paths untravelled. In my life I have
done a lot of things to make money, but I’ve had only one true career -
that of mother. And I get to exercise a lot of my unchosen career paths
during my tenure. I am a writer, yes, and have made good money doing
that work. But I’m also a nurse, a teacher, a farmer, a maid, a
lumberjack, a chef, a chauffeur, a veterinarian and much more.

I can’t imagine getting up every morning and driving the same 30
miles to the same cubicle with a picture of my children on the wall…for
something like 20 or 30 years of my life.

I know many moms who say that can’t imagine staying home with their
children all day - it would be so tedious and boring. Really? I’ve
never had so much fun. Imagine going to work everyday for 16 years
(that’s how long I’ve been at it now) and truly enjoying your job.
While it’s not always fun and games and some of it is tedious and
boring, it’s never not important.

I love my varied and interesting life. I love spending time (pretty much all of it) with my children….even when it’s boring.

I’ve been struggling lately, trying to understand the nature of my
life. I’ve been trying to figure out why I haven’t accomplished more
than I have. Why haven’t I done more to help the world at large? Am I
selfish to just stay home with my kids? Shouldn’t I be doing something?
What is my contribution? And is it enough?

And then I realize how much I am doing. By trying to raise children
who are hopeful, learned, tolerant, patient, loving, eco-conscious and
much more, I think I am sending out a little ripple of hope to the big
world. I want my children to epitomize the joy I have in raising them.
And hopefully, even if that’s the only contribution I make, it’s enough.

Michelle Kennedy Hogan is the mother of six and blogs at www.organicallyinclined.org. She is also the author of Without a Net: Middle Class and Homeless (With Kids) in America as well as 10 other books. Her work has appeared in Family Circle, Wondertime, Salon.com, The New York Times, The Christian Science Monitor and many other publications. Please write to her at michelle@organicallyinclined.org.

I called Rebecca. I said, “Caroline Kennedy was right – Obama really is like her father. He’s Jack Kennedy, redux!” and Rebecca said “Now you sound like Maureen Dowd.”

I said, “I mean it. He called a female reporter in Michigan sweetie, he called another woman sweetie in Allentown last month and someone on his security detail is sending around sexually explicit jokes. And the media has already compared Michelle Obama to Jackie Kennedy, with all those retro 1960’s shifts she wears.”

“Interesting analogies, especially the shifts” said Rebecca. “So, who’s his Sam Giancana? Who’s his Bobby?” and I said, “Easy – John Edwards is Bobby and the Reverend Wright is his Giancana – useful to him when he was climbing the ladder, but embarrassing once he hits the top.”

She said, “Okay, I buy that. What’s his Bay of Pigs and Cuban Missile Crisis?” I said, “Normally you would have to wait until taking office to make those kind of gaffes, but Obama’s been making misstatements about Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran before he even gets the nomination. I can only imagine what would happen if he actually takes office – the world is his oyster as far as screw-ups are concerned!” and Rebecca said, “Well, he’s good at apologizing, maybe that will help with damage control” and I said she might want to practice hiding under her desk, now.

She said, “Well, maybe you’re right. His mom’s name was Dunham and that’s an Irish name. So maybe he really is the new Jack Kennedy.” She was quiet a moment and then asked, “So who’s his Marilyn gonna be?” I said, “Probably Halle Berry. Have you seen her since the birth of her baby? Nursing is much more effective than lavender.”

Rebecca said, “I can sort of understand sleeping with Michelle O – she does have a certain sense of style, even though I prefer Hillary’s pantsuits. But, I can’t see myself sleeping with Obama. I don’t see anything sexy about him, do you?” and I said, “No. He’s too skinny for me. Plus, I have a rule about never sleeping with men whose thighs are thinner than mine.” Rebecca was still thinking about Michelle. She said, “Do you think she might be gay?” and I said, “Keep hoping, honey”. Rebecca sighed. I said, “On the plus side, if she is she can still get married in California.”

“The media might find that kind of hip you know”, Rebecca continued. I said the media found everything about the Obama’s to be hip and perfect – and they share that opinion nightly. I said, “I thought the role of the media was to not have an opinion. “You know”, I said, “Less Sunday Op-Ed and more Dragnet – just the facts”. Rebecca said, “In your dreams”.

Rebecca said, “If you go looking for too many facts you won’t be able to unify the party behind Barack and all the party elders are saying we have to unify – McGovern, Kennedy, Kerry, they’re all saying it”. I said, “Oh, yeah, those guys did a great job themselves of unifying people behind them to lose their own bids for the presidency. Just the people I really want to listen to”, and Rebecca said I was obviously a racist.

I sat up. I said, “How’s that?” and she explained that voters who support Hillary are racist because they won’t vote for a black candidate. I said, “But he’s also a white candidate! His mother was white and he was raised by his white grandparents! So how does not voting for a half-white man make me a racist?!” She said, “I’m just telling you what the media says” and I said no wonder voters weren’t listening to the media.

She said, “Well, I have something to confess - I’ve started watching Fox.” I was astounded. I said, “Rebecca, you’re a gay, Jewish Democrat! What are you doing watching Fox?” And she said, “Hey, at least Karl Rove never calls anyone sweetie!”

Check out Hannah Seligson's Wall Street Journal article on bodysnarking. You know, those mean comments about women's bodies we've been discussing around these parts recently. I'm quoted in the article, along with these kick-ass ladies who are also raising awareness about this issue.

Claire
5 Resolutions to Transform the Fashion and Beauty Industries

West Virginia primary polling data has underscored Hillary Clinton's claim to the allegiance of white voters who aren't comfortable with black leadership. Rev. Valda Jean Combs says that helps explain why so many black women are going for Obama.

The California Supreme Court has ruled that gay couples should have the right to marry. The Republican-dominated high court voted 4-3 in favor of applying and expanding constitutional race and gender protections to sexual orientation and the institution of marriage.

In his ruling, Chief Justice Ronald George wrote that, "...retaining the designation of marriage exclusively for opposite-sex couples and providing only a separate and distinct designation for same-sex couples may well have the effect of perpetuating a more general premise - now emphatically rejected by this state - that gay individuals and same-sex couples are in some respects "second-class citizens" who may, under the law, be treated differently from, and less favorably than, heterosexual individuals or opposite-sex couples.... Accordingly, we conclude that to the extent the current California statutory provisions limit marriage to opposite-sex couples, these statutes are unconstitutional."

With couples already lining up at San Francisco City Hall for appointments to get marriage licenses, the judgment could be a boon to California's economy should it go unchallenged. Unlike other states, California has no residency requirements for obtaining marriage licenses, meaning that same sex couples could flock to the Golden State for ceremonies (though same-sex marriages performed in California may not be recognized in other states).

As comedienne and GLBT activist Margaret Cho pointed out, "just the ice sculptures alone" could be worth a small fortune to the local economy. Living in West Hollywood, the Daily Mantra can think of a new reason to hold on to our tax refund/stimulus payment when it arrives. With the slew of gay marriages that are likely to happen over the summer we anticipate that we'll have to allocate a rather large budget for wedding outfits and gifts in 2008! Yay! We love a good wedding!

www.dailymantra.com

The California Supreme Court ruled 4-3 today to overturn state laws prohibiting same-sex marriage. The court ruled that such laws violate the California constitution, which they said "guarantees same-sex couples the same substantive constitutional rights as opposite-sex couples to choose one's life ...

Nepalese police arrested more than 500 Tibetan women who were protesting outside the Chinese Embassy on Saturday for a free Tibet. The women protesters included Buddhist nuns, according to CNN

Under the renewed Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), states will be required to pay for anonymous rape kits starting next year. The requirement is aimed at removing obstacles to prosecuting rape cases, reports the

Anti-abortion groups seeking to place a so-called "personhood initiative" on the November state ballot in Colorado submitted 131,245 signatures this week, well over the 76,000 signatures required to place the measure on the ballot. This "personhood initiative" declares that a fertilized egg is a "pe...

An attempt by Republican lawmakers in the Kansas Senate to override Governor Kathleen Sebelius's veto of an anti-abortion bill failed last week. Sebelius vetoed a measure that would have imposed more restricti...

The Malaysian government rejected a proposal on Monday that would require women traveling outside of the country to have a letter from their parents or employers verifying the women's reasons for traveling. Women's groups denounced the proposal as an infringement of human rights. Their outcry prompt...

Students at Washington University in St Louis are organizing in protest of the University's plans to honor notorious anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly with an honorary doctorate degree at the school's commencement ceremony May 16. Students have set up a Facebook group protesting the decision titled

Anti-choice extremist group the American Life League launched a campaign against oral contraceptives that will culminate with protests on June 7 outside clinics that distribute birth control. The Pill Kills Babies falsely la...

Videos from the Ms Forum on International Family Planning are now available on YouTube. The Feminist Majority Foundation's YouTube Channel now features videos from last week's

The Kansas Supreme Court determined guidelines today to limit the power of the grand jury investigating the case of Dr George Tiller, a late term abortion provider from Wichita. Dr. Tiller has been fighting the grand jury

Feminist candidates won key victories in the Indiana and North Carolina primaries this week. In Indiana, Jill Long Thompson won the tight gubernatorial Democratic primary against Jim Schellinger. Thompson is a 3 term former congresswoman for Indiana’s 4th District, and was a US Under-Secretary of ...

Exciting news!  Our very own Nancy Gruver will be speaking on a panel, "Are Girls the New Geeks?" at the 2008 Ypulse National Mashup. She would love to meet you there!

The event will take place July 14-15, 2008, Hotel Nikko, San Francisco, CA

According to the Ypulse people, "The 2008 Ypulse National Mashup is the only grassroots event that brings together youth media and marketing professionals from brands, agencies and the non-profit sector to share best practices for reaching today's totally wired youth. Learn what's new in the youth marketing space today and what's coming tomorrow."  Sounds awesome to me!

Check out the Ypulse Mashup site for more info.

-Julia, Online Editor